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Posts tagged “Shitty

How to make love to a woman (2010)

how_to_make_love_to_a_woman_2010I found that I’ve seen this movie before and that I hated it but on the positive side it got an extra star this time ’cause of the cameos. I can’t stand the story of the main characters but the whole thing gets saved by characters like the gynecologist, sifu, biker with unclean balls and the other peeps talking about sex… The only happy ending for me in this movie would be if Andy got hit by a 18 wheeler on his way to the airport then eaten by squirrels… sorry, I just can’t stand idiots… his gf should have ended up in Chicago. Sorry for spoiling it for you as you shouldn’t waste 90 minutes of your life on this movie. Take a run instead… it’s better for you. I don’t even like the soundtrack… how did I manage ending up watching this movie again. Damn you bad horrible memory of mine… arrrghh !

This is normally where I end my review by mentioning the director (in this case Scott Culver). Haven’t really made anything else so… short review.

..I rate this movie 2/10 stars..

Tactical Force (2011)

Seems like I’m in a bad movie month ’cause I can’t remember watching this much shit the same month before…. ever. For a B-movie (if I could even call it that) the cast is not bad with Steve Austin, Michael Jai White, Michael Shanks and Lexa Doig… it’s not like they are shit actors, but I guess a horrible script doesn’t help them either… I’m surprised I’m still awake after this shitstorm. If the SWAT was as horrible at tactics as this crew I’d never dare leave the house as I for sure wouldn’t trust these guys to save my arse if something bad happened (Not that I have to worry as I iz not american).

..I rate this movie 1/10 stars..

Jaws 3 (1983)

Om nom nom, pthjeeew … what’s this shit ?!

You know this movie is gonna be bad just by looking at the font they chose at the movie introduction. It’s like your on a bad acid trip. I didn’t recall them starting with 3D movies this early, but no matter… this movie would even suck if it was one dimentional.

Me thinks this is probably the laziest movie ever made… a lot of red paint, skipping shark scenes with just people suddenly disappearing, horrible cgi like effects… in my opinion the worst shark movie ever made (even Megashark vs giant octopus, sharktopus and all those movies are way more awesome). Doesn’t help trying to use big names like Dennis Quaid, Bess Armstrong and Louis Gossett Jr when the movie is utter shit.

..I rate this movie 2/10 stars..

Knockout (2011)

Yet another low expectation movie which doesn’t even live up to the b-movie standard. I think I might have liked it if I watched it back in the 80’s but now it was just silly. Same story I’ve seen dusins of times, predictable with retarded villains that can’t fight for shit. Worlds most annoying mom and a ignorant principal that makes you shake your head. I think the only characters I liked in this movie was the step dad and girlfriend… it’s the only two that seemed believeable as a person in this movie. Fights are a joke and so is the movie. You might end up watching this one if there is nothing but shit on the Television… even then it’s a maybe.

..I rate this movie 2/10 stars..

Born to raise hell (2010)

Yet another shitty Seagal movie… I really really hope he gets out of the 9 year streak of shittyness. He hasn’t been in a good movie since Half past dead (2002). The only good thing I have to say about this movie is that it had a cool femme fatale bodyguard/assassin in it and some cool fight scenes. Story is the same as always, someone close gets killed and people out for revenge…

Then again… I don’t really expect much out of this kind of movie, especially since I know it’s produced in eastern europe… Starting to get tired of the same over and over again tho. It’s been the same story for a decade now, time to move on Steven ! I really really hope there will be a quality movie before he retires… After all he’s one of my teenage heroes.

“Team up with Van Damme and Cynthia Rothrock, make something cool !”

..I rate this movie 2/10 stars..


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