In the world of movies we all can dream.

Archive for January, 2012

Blubberella (2011)

Warning, Uwe Boll movie … and this one is as bad as they come. I decided to watch it because I found the title hilarious… the movie wasn’t. It’s set during world war 2 yet she has a lap top, internet with dating sites, she likes to dance like Beyonce… another thing that makes you know it will be bad is that Michael Pare is in it…. Me thinks me is into BBW… Blubberella is kind of cute ^.^ Other than that… this is a terribly boring movie with non a engaging storyline and lots of premature ejaculations… How do they come up with this shit… I bet they thought of the name of the movie and then went all blank from there *sigh*.

..I rate this movie 1/10 stars..

Area 51 (2011)

Didn’t expect much of this movie, it’s a Syfy original and I must say I was fairly entertained. Ugly aliens, some humor and gore… wouldn’t expect anything less and it actually was a bit better than I thought It would be. Not to impressed by the alien design but then again I haven’t seen much that can live up to the Alien movies with the exception of Species. Right now I’d take any sci-fi movies while I await Prometheus (the Alien prequel). Area 51 is an ok tv-movie and I believe it would entertain most b-movie sci-fi nerds ^.^ I’ve seen much worse…

..I rate this movie 3/10 stars..

Ben 10 : Alien Swarm (2009)

Ben 10 : Alien Swarm is a typical kid hero type movie… the kind you find on Cartoon Network. Not to impressive acting but for a b-type movie is has some pretty nice effects in it. It’s actually kind of short for a movie, more like an episode in a series. I know very little of the Ben 10 universe but I figure this isn’t the only movie (for all I know it might even be a tv-series)… Anywho… I was at least a bit entertained by it even tho it’s kind of cheesy and stupid. I’ll give the effects credit for that.

..I rate this movie 3/10 stars..

Ballistica (2009)

Yet another movie in the below b-movie cathegory … Think Equilibrium (which is basically where they copied the ballistica skill from) and insted of the gunfighting looking awesome you’ll be rolling on the floor laughing your arse off because it looks so stupid you can’t believe your eyes.

Well, at least I got a few good laughs out of this thing … and they managed to put some eyecandies in there (yeh, I know it’s a douchy thing to say but I like to try see something positive in it besides the laughs). Wish I were as fit as the dude in the lead… I’m to laidback to even get a one pack. I also have to mention that some of the dialogue and comments in the movie made me go WTF, what did you just say ? Did they just add some lines just to fill inn some time or what ? Oh well …

..I rate this movie 1/10 stars..

Varg Veum : De døde har det godt (2012)

The first Norwegian movie I’ve seen in the cinema in quite a while. I fairly enjoyed it even tho I can’t say it’s a cinema worthy movie, more a tv quality movie. I haven’t seen any of the other movies about Varg Veum but after seeing this I wouldn’t mind checking the rest out as well (at some point). I still think the swedes are way ahead of us norwegians when it comes to movie making but this movie shows that we’re at least heading in the right direction.

..I rate this movie 6/10 stars..

Above the Law (1988)

Above the Law or Nico as I know it as from my teens is probably the best movie of Seagal from his early years (My personal favorites tho are Half past dead and Exit wounds). I think he has just one expression on his face and I had to laugh a little when they showed the pictures from his young age as he still had that same expression back then. Nice to see this one again after so many years, it’s still good today I think.

..I rate this movie 6/10 stars..

… man I miss the old trailers with the narrator.

A very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas (2011)

These guys are hilarious as usual … I always get a good laugh of these movies and this one is no exception. That little kid that kept getting drugged cracked me up… poor thing. Danny Trejo must be the scariest father inlaw on can have :S I’d rather be single for the rest of my life than ever experiencing that… and I wouldn’t mind one of them there waffelbots ^.^ I don’t normally like movies which main focus is on drugs (as in most of them e.g Fear and loathing, I bet you gotta be high just to find them entertaining) but the Harold and Kumar movies just make it all funny.

..I rate this movie 7/10 stars..

Texas Killing Fields (2011)

Someone giving praises to movies like Drive might like this movie… It’s dry and feels like it’s never ending. It has sketchy and annoying characters and a phase that makes paint drying seem fast. The only way this could get a high rating from me is if I rated it as how many cups of coffee I needed to stay awake during this movie. I honestly expected this to be a good and entertaining movie… I was wrong… I iz vewwy vewwy tired now… Here I was trying to finally turn my dayrythm back to normal and this movie made me so tired I can barely keep my eyes up. Sure, it could have been worse… still, average (and I was hoping for an 7 at least).

..I rate this movie 5/10 stars..

Stone Cold (1991)

It’s weird to think that it’s been this long since Stone Cold came out… It’s one of the first movies I watched after turning 18 and it’s been 20 years already. I think this movie still is pretty awesome tho I don’t think as highly of it as I did back then. Brian Bosworth is the Steve Austin of the 90′s tho in my opinion cooler. Actually one of my favorite western action heroes of that decade. Also, I think this movie has one of the cooler characters of Lance Henriksen (besides Aliens, Hard Target and the series Millennium).

..I rate this movie 6/10 stars..

The Big Year (2011)

The Big Year is my kind of movie, charming and funny with a hint of drama. I think Steve Martin and Jack Black makes a good movie duo and that they should do more stuff together. Definitively a movie I’ll watch again someday. This movie don’t have that many votes on but I can’t say I agree with the average so far.. I don’t think this is a movie I’ll forget within a month and it’s far from average. Not cheesy or predictable, not boring or annoying… It’s pretty much everything I like about a family type movie… ’cause that’s the genre I’d put it in. Not a laugh out loud comedy, but a family movie.

..I rate this movie 8/10 stars..

Tropa de Elite 2 (2010)

Since I already am sort of in a foreign film mood I decided to give this a go.. I don’t regret it as it was a very exciting movie. Very very bloody and violent but then again I guess that’s how it is in that world. I sure am glad I’m not one of the people fighing the drug wars as I’d be shivering in my boots knowing my life was on the line… I’m pretty sure that my country will be just as unsafe at some point, we’ve only got naive politicians here so I’d believe that within the next 10 years peaceful Norway will be filled with terror and less safety due to stupid politicians… and I barely leave my appartment as it is now… Oh well, I digress… as usual. Not a movie for everyone I guess, but I found it to be good at least. The people rating on seem to agree with me.. This movie has a 8.2/10 with over 18,000 votes.

..I rate this movie 8/10 stars..

Forces spéciales (2011)

I thought this was gonna be the typical american movie when I sat down with it but found out that it is a french movie… as that wasn’t enough I did not suspect it to be this good so I was like totally surprised to find a war movie I’d like this much. One of the scenes in it was kind of Platoon like with that french soldier running from the hostile soldiers while trying to lure them away from the main group.

I rarely watch french movies, I dunno why because they have a lot of quality action movies (I’m not much into any other genres when it comes to foreign film with the exception of asian movies). This is just as much a drama as an action movie… not the typical get in, save, get out type movie. The enemy in this movie is tougher than in most action movies, more persistent.. this makes the whole thing more exciting… at least I think so. In my opinion the best war type movie I’ve seen from the current situation in the east. Well worth checking out.

..I rate this movie 8/10 stars..

Collision Earth (2011)

No sexy pictures from this movie … *sigh* Yet another catastrophy movie airing on the Syfy channel… I guess they felt like they had used up the asteroide/meteor colliding plots so they decided to go with planet collision this time *lol*. The Sun sends out some kind of magenta wave thingie magnetizing the planet Mercur sending it towards earth… All this happens during an expedition to Mercur and the woman steering the ship gotta save the world… The plot is very very very b-movie like but they actually have some decent actors and familiar faces in this movie which was a plesant surprise. The movie is of course so bad it’s kind of funny yet also kind of exciting. This is far from the worst sci-fi movie I ever saw and since I love disaster movies I fairly enjoyed this thing.

..I rate this movie 3/10 stars..

“No trailer available it seems so you just gotta look it up on the syfy channel site”

Galaxy Express 999 (1979)

Didn’t know that this movie was this old when I decided to watch it but I kind of found it charming even tho it had this annoying overachiever of a kid in the lead. I guess I fell a bit for the characters in this epic story… Had to laugh a little of the Galaxy Express which is a train that travels between planets… not very spaceishy… Me like Maetel in this (see I can even fall for animated women). A nice animated adventure, far from the best I’ve seen but I still kind of liked it.

Would I love to live forever … sure, just not as a machine. I always fancied the cyberpunk universe back when I did RPG on paper (pre computer times)… but to go and dream about being a machine to live forever just doesn’t appeal to me… not that I would notice any difference as I have no love life and probably never will … so maybe I’d go for it if the chance presented itself.

I think I’d probably love this movie even more if I watched it with original sound (japanese)… some of the charm of anime movies do disappear when you don’t hear the speech and soundtrack that was intended.

..I rate this movie 5/10 stars..

Gantz 2 : Perfect Answer (2011)

I kind of liked the first one and this one was about just as good… less action but the train scene in this movie is kind of awesome. Not as action filled as the first one but when it first hits it’s pretty darned cool… I was pretty please when I saw there was a sequel and I wouldn’t hesitate to watch more if there was some ’cause the Gantz universe is pretty awesome and unpredictable (which is one reason alone for liking the movies). When I say unpredictable I mean you never know who’s gone at any moment… still, I could kind of forsee what would happend at the end with Kei. High eyecandy factor too, Rawrrr…

..I rate this movie 6/10 stars..

Julie & Julia (2009)

Nora Ephron is the main reason why I wanted to see this movie… After watching Sleepless in Seattle and You’ve got mail, two movies I love, it was just a question about time before I took my time sitting down with this one. I must say it is just as charming as the other two but in my opinion not as good (I was kind of hoping the stories would end up as one but I guess that didn’t happend in real life so therefore I got let down somewhat). Julie & Julia are based on two true stories which means things don’t always work out into predictable endings… It is still a good movie tho, I enjoyed it more than most truth based movies.

This movie sort of makes me want to pick up cooking as a hobby… There was so many yummy meals in this movie, my mouth got all watery and I got hungry. Then again if I did start cooking I’d probably be the author of a new blog called The Art of burning french food

..I rate this movie 7/10 stars..

Contagion (2011)

Been a while since I watched a movie about this theme … Personally I like Outbreak (1995) a bit better. The most scary thing about this movie is that it can happend at any time which makes it a bit more real to watch. We’ve had many outbreaks over the last 20 years and just the thought of something like Mv-1 which is the case in this movie is enough to stay inside for the reminder of ones life … I’ve actually started avoiding touching door knobs, handles at stairs and such when I am in public places just because of movies like this… public toilets, no way… Thing is, that helps very little against airborn attacks. I think the media would be responsible to more deaths than an actual decease if it would happend in this scale due to the fact they’d release information that would cause panic and riots which again makes people (more) stupid and it would spread way faster because of it.

An overall good and realistic drama thriller worth seeing. Quite an impressive cast in it as well…

..I rate this movie 7/10 stars..

Tactical Force (2011)

Seems like I’m in a bad movie month ’cause I can’t remember watching this much shit the same month before…. ever. For a B-movie (if I could even call it that) the cast is not bad with Steve Austin, Michael Jai White, Michael Shanks and Lexa Doig… it’s not like they are shit actors, but I guess a horrible script doesn’t help them either… I’m surprised I’m still awake after this shitstorm. If the SWAT was as horrible at tactics as this crew I’d never dare leave the house as I for sure wouldn’t trust these guys to save my arse if something bad happened (Not that I have to worry as I iz not american).

..I rate this movie 1/10 stars..

The Sky Crawlers (2008)

Might not be my favorite anime movie ever but it has pretty impressive CGI during battle sequences. The story itself is kind of dark and sad and it definitively don’t have the typical western ending… Even tho I’m getting used to that watching asian movies I was still hoping for more when the ending credits came along… Maybe the story just lost me in the last quarter of the movie, that it makes more sence in some way. I liked the atmosphere of the movie and characters too, but I still felt like something was missing when it was all over. Still, it did kind of make sense… A pretty average anime movie. Let it be known I watched it with english speech so I might loose out on the real feeling (I usually feel that way, and normally I won’t watch a movie without it’s original soundtrack).

..I rate this movie 5/10 stars..


A good old fashioned orgy (2011)

A pretty average comedy… don’t have to much to say about it really. Not the kind of comedy you laugh to much off, but it had it’s moments. Probably won’t remember this film for long but it was ok entertainment so at least I don’t feel like I wasted 90 minutes of my life watching it.

..I rate this movie 6/10 stars..

The Marine (2006)

This is weird… when I watched this just now I was wondering how this movie had missed my attention… and after going to to rate it I found that I’ve seen it before. I can’t remember ever watching it so I guess my memory is getting more shit for every year. The only good thing about that is watching movies as it is like I see them for the first time and get entertained without knowing what will happend. This is a pretty cool action movie with almost no downtime which always is a home run for me. As an added bonus I get to see a douche get thrown out a glass window and awesome car chases… what’s not to love. John Cena is definitively one of the cooler action heroes in the last 10 years. Had to laugh of the Terminator comment in the movie looking at Robert Patrick‘s expression in the mirror… not to forget the black guy that’s afraid of hardcandy.

..I rate this movie 7/10 stars..

Terminator : Salvation (2009)

I actually liked it more watching it this time than when I first saw it… Still think number 3 is the best in the series tho and all because of Kristanna Løken. Salvation has much more cool action but it comes down to who is the cooler Terminator really and I still think Kristanna is the coolest so far. As an action movie this is a great popcorn movie and I’m sure I’ll watch it again some day. I’m not the biggest fan of Christian Bale but I like Sam Worthington in this one.

..I rate this movie 7/10 stars..

Amphibious 3D (2010)

Amphibious 3D is the typical type of movie with a cool movie cover but that is totally shit. Actually shit doesn’t even seem to cover this one… here I thought I’d reached a new low with the last movie I watched, Sand Sharks, but this one takes the cake… At least the previous movie was so bad it was funny… this movie was just annoying. Stupid red haired woman that has no survival instincts and annoying actors. I should have known this movie would be bad when I saw the name Michael Pare in the intro…. He’s never in any good movies. It’s a miracle that I even watched this whole thing and if I operated with the rating 0 this would be a safe bet on the bottom…. I guess my rating will be obvious. 98% of the movie is all happening on this wooden fishing platform and it was nothing like I’d hope it would be.. at least I was hoping for some laughs… it didn’t even give me that.

..I rate this movie 1/10 stars..

Sand Sharks (2011)

Yep, you heard right … Sand sharks, and not the actual sharks with that name swimming in the water but Sharks swimming in the sand… F’in hillarious. You expect this movie to be shit and it is … but I just couldn’t stop laughing throughout because of obvious scenes stolen from Jaws and moments of stupid remarks followed by an om nom nom splat scene.

The acting is horrible as expected, the CGI is so bad it makes any shitty movie that was made up till now look awesome and the characters… *sigh*. This is a movie you’d watch just for laughs, like I did. I think the most fun in recording this movie was had by the people they paid to throw blood’n guts on the actors during the filming. This supposedly huge party with “1000s” of people looked like less of a parties than the local party in my hometown. Nothing could make this script look good on screen … even if they did have a better budget… but I’ll take it for what it is, a movie so bad it’s funny.

..I rate this movie 1/10 stars..


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 297 other followers