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Siren (2013)


siren 2013Not quite what I expected but the title was fitting. Siren, enought to drag me in and keep my attention just with the title. Can’t remember seeing Vinessa Shaw in anything else (she was in 3:10 Yuma and Ray Donovan tho, had to look it up). The male actor, Robert Kazinsky, I know I’ve seen in True Blood and Pacific Rim. I like him, kinda slick and cool. Something very earthy about him…

The movie itself was kinda predictable there in the end but I enjoyed it even tho it had a slow phased story.. and yet still interesting enough to keep me focused on the story and not the time. I’m glad I don’t have her curse that’s for sure… I’d rather be alone all my life than having people throw themselves at my feet. Not a movie I’d watch again but time well spendt this one time. Wouldn’t recommend watching it in a tired state tho, especially if you’re the type to fall asleep of movies like Die Hard.

The movie is directed by Jesse Peyronel who up till now only did this movie and an episode of the newly cancelled tv-series Dracula. Sure it’s not the last we’ll see of Jesse in the end credits.

..I rate this movie 6/10 stars..

Didn’t find a trailer of this one but a short making of thingie.

Pentathlon (1994)


pentathlon 1994Another day another movie with Dolph Lundgren. It’s lots of them on youtube so I’ll be watching more of ‘em in the future it seems. Some crazy germans in this one, I especialy found the ex-stazi fellow with the boombox going berserk in the burger place hillarious. The main villain (David Soul) was kinda nuts as well… it’s nice to see a movie where the villain isn’t boring for a change.

The most memorable moment tho is Renée Coleman (Julia) in that black thing before the run on the beach… male chauvinistic of me I guess… or is it? I mean, can one comment on a woman looking good at all today without sounding like a pig ? I feel bad just finding one attractive so I never say anything at all anymore. They are best admired from afar, in my case on screen which works out just fine for an agoraphobic like me (I honestly think were not that far away from building those helmets they used in Demolition man, you know that scene with Bullock and Stallone, the mind sex helmet thingie). For the record, I look at myself as an equalist. Oh and while I’m on the subject of pigs… those ribs looked delish… tho I should probably have gone for the salad as well. Yet another movie that makes me digress.

I can’t remember seeing this before and I doubt I will again… but it wasn’t boring, that’s for sure. Kinda average but a better average than I’ve seen lately. The movie is also known as Ironman. It’s directed by Bruce Malmuth who also did Nighthawks (1981), The Man Who Wasn’t There (1983) and one of Steven Seagal’s better movies Hard to Kill (1990).

..I rate this movie 5/10 stars..

10,000 days (2010)


10000 DaysIf you google this you will get two imdb.com results. One as a movie (2014) and one as a tv-series. I guess they decided to re-release this as a movie since the tv-series never happened so I choose to review it as a tv-series pilot, not a movie… Mostly because you will have no real ending to this flick as it’s ment to continue when end credits hits.

The movie/serie caught my attention because I love disaster movies so I had to watch this of course… I knew it would be a disaster (pun intended) as most movies in this genre isn’t very impressive effectswise.. and this, is one of those at the bottom of the barrell. CGI bad, the snow doesn’t look remotely real and there isn’t one likeable character in it. It still managed to entertain me tho even tho I was raising my eyebrow on more than one occation (like jumping down a cliff on snowboard and even that looked fake… or when the chick “died” on the plane). I also knew not to expect an ending as I knew this was a pilot.

One familiar face, Peter Wingfield (Sanctuary) who plays the villain. How can they say this was just completed on imdb.com by the way. It’s 4 years old ?! Oh well.. whatever. At least the story and consept is good, I kinda wish Netflix remade this and made it a tv-series like it was supposed to be. With better effects and direction this would have had potential (the directing was kinda shit actually.. the fight scenes were horrendous). The casting on the other hand was pretty good… doesn’t help much when this movie is 90% CGI.

Kudos to Eric Small for writing this… I just wish he hired someone else to direct, doing it yourself isn’t always a great idea. Not a movie I’d watch again but I can at least add it to the queue of disaster movies I’ve watched in the past… and for the record, If you choose to do like me and watch this like it was a movie with a budget of $1000 dollars or less… in the end I at least was entertained. It kinda felt like the movie The Colony with a twist…

..I rate this movie 4/10 stars..

(yup, i’ve seen plenty worse… might have been a tad to kind tho)

Shogun’s Ninja (1980)


Shoguns NinjaBeen trying to buy this movie for ages. I had it on VHS back in the day but now it only exist on region 1 dvd with one exception. I found a german distributor that sells it uncut on amazon uk but they don’t ship to my country so fuck’em. I google this every so often to find it in some onlinestore but no luck thus far. I found it on youtube in 3 different versions. The original but with subs that shows up 2 minutes before the action, a french dubbed and an english dubbed… ended up watching the english dubbed as the uber shitty subtitling got annoying real fast. Not a big fan of dubbed movie but for this one I let it slide. I love it…

I’m a fan of Hiroyuki Sanada and this is among my favorites. It might have piss poor editing, the worlds weirdest soundtrack and is poorly introduced on imdb.com with a movie cover that makes no sense… but I still love the adventure, fighting, cliches… heck I even love that weird dance number in the middle after the cookening. The english dubbed version also had some hillariousness with the dead cock and all… but I’d love to have seen the original with the usage of “you insolent bastard” in every now and then. I also found the spider ninja’s to be cool… and as an epilogue to the movie I’d wonder why a hardcore ninja wouldn’t pick some daggers out of the ocean after going through all that stuff in the movie. How hard could that be compared to climbing trees effortlessly, or fighting dusins of swordsmen or moving underground like a mole… Oh and Shin’ichi Chiba (Sonny Chiba) is pretty cool in this as the Shogen with his two minions… and Etsuko Shihomi (Ai-Lian) reminded me of that street fighter chick Chun-Li.

A big thank you to whomever decided to share this on youtube. It makes me sad that it’s so hard to find early 80’s movies on dvd or blu-ray with my region. I know they’re usually region free but it’s hard to come by site’s that sell’em (if you know on please let me know ’cause amazon is getting old real fast… i already stopped using play.com, they’re useless now.. and pricy). Oh well, I digress as usual. I’d watch this movie every so often cause it always makes me smile… Prefer the original with subs tho.

Don’t think I’ve seen anything else from director Noribumi Suzuki. He’s known for movies like Sex and Fury (1973), Convent of the sacred beast (1974) and Roaring Fire (1982). He passed away at 80 in 2014.

..I rate this movie 7/10 stars..

Ps. Notice that sexy music when that old fart comes jumping, epic !!!

Barbarian Queen II : The Empress strikes back (1990)


Barbarian Queen 2This did honestly not feel like a movie made in 1990. If I had to guess it would be an early 80’s movie… oh well, one of the worst movies I’ve seen this year by far… yet, I somehow managed to get through it enjoying it a little. Tamis (Cecilia Tijerina) kind of reminded me of young Snow white in the series Once upon a time. I hated young Snow white with a passion… tho since I wasn’t that into the characters of this movie that same hate was just a meh whatever feeling. Predictable, bad fencing (like watching kindergarden kids re-enact a fantasy battle). Not even boobs and bdsm fantasies can save this movie. Nice movie cover art and font tho…

I thought this was like a sequel to the first but it can’t be… in that case I remember the first totally wrong. It didn’t feel like it even belonged with the first. Lana Clarkson doesn’t even have the same name in the two movies so I guess the description is wrong… oh well, whatever… at least I managed to fill 80 minutes of my day. The only character I liked in this movie was that mute amazon chick.

This is the only movie Joe Finley directed but he’s worked on editing on Game of Thrones (as final colorist), Knight and Day (digital intermediate colorist) and many other editing credits. So I guess being good at digital coloring brings lots of work (93 credits he has).

..I rate this movie 3/10 stars..

Fair Game (1995)


Original Cinema Quad Poster - Movie Film Posters

I’ve decided that all 9,000+ voters on imdb.com are grumpy people ’cause there is no way in hell this is a 4,1/10 movie. It’s entertaining as hell and the villains are awesome. Joel Silver has never to my knowlegde disappointed me with a production and he sure as hell didn’t wilh this. I still like it almost 20 years later and that isn’t the case with most movies that old.

I might not be the biggest William Baldwin fan (I prefer his brothers) but I like him in this one and Sliver. Fair game is a movie I watch about every 4 years, this time I happend to find it on youtube (found a lot there lately, it’s easier to press play on youtube than getting out of the sofa, talking a walk to the dvd collection, opening a dvd, switch over to my br-player and change channel than clicking play online *lol*).

I always forget that Salma Hayek is in this one, dunno why, she’s lovely even as the angry girlfriend. I like Cindy Crawford in this movie but it seems this time around I took more notice of the villainesse, Rosa, played by Jenette Goldstein. It’s just something about redheads kicking ass I like I guess.

Steven Berkoff always makes for a great villain, I can’t recall him ever playing the good guy (at least nothing comes to mind as I write this, which isn’t that strange given my horrible memory). Then there is the hacker, played by Paul Dillon… makes me kinda nostalgic and then I start missing the tv-series The Pretender.

The movie might be directed by Andrew Sipes who never made anything else…. the name I notice on the movie tho is Joel Silver as I’ve seen it on so many other movies I love… but thanks Andrew for making this, it has entertained me quite a few hours over the years.

..I rate this movie 7/10 stars..

 

GOR (1987)


GORI seem to be in 80’s fantasy adventure mode these days. Found this movie on youtube… another Cannon production I remember from back in the 80’s. You know it’s a fantasy movie when the protagonist is a physics professor that survives more than 3 seconds in a barbarian dimension. Probably the most useless protagonist since Harry Potter, in fact he makes Harry look like a well rounded man of awesomeness in comparison…

Oh well, it might not be the best movie in the genre but it does have Rebecca Ferratti (Talena). Been a while since I saw that name last but I sure knew it in my teens. Oliver Reed as the villain, been a while since I saw him in a movie too (he left this world in ’99). I have never read the novels so when Jack Palance showed up I had no clue as of why his character even exist in this movie. A wtf moment if you will…

I know I’ve seen this once before, I’ll probably never bother to do so again. It was entertaining at times but not that entertaining… and what’s with all the jazz hands in the 80’s dancing routines. step step… jazzhands… step… jazzhands. Yawn….

Director Fritz Kiersch also did movies like; Children of the Corn (1984), Tuff Turf (1985), Into the Sun (1992) and Surveillance (2006) so he’s made way better movies than GOR.

..I rate this movie 4/10 stars..

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